Friends

    School is a place where i've made and lost a lot of friends, school was my introdution to basically life, and A LOT of drama. As happy as Iam to leave school, I mean it is exciting but what about all the people i know in school that i won't see anymore? Then again there are a lot of people i can't wait to leave behind, obviously im not a very social person I keep to myself more than anything and honestly it doesn't bother me. I'm just one of those people who enjoys the silence and the alone time, I don't feel like i need friends. The friends that have gotten past that part of me are here to stay, i love them all with all my heart and i would do anything for them.
       I'm scared that once school is over forever what id they all move away? We wouldn't have each other anymore. It seems so much harder to make friends in the real world, not saying it wasn't hard in school also but school kinda forced me to try to make at least one friend cause i got sick of people staring at me cause i was always alone. I was happy to make friends though I mean half the memories that make me smile are with my two best friends from middle school, I think they helped make me into who I am. It all started with school though and now it's almost over.
      Like of course i can't wait to not have to wake up early everyday and feel like a zombie everyday but that's the thing i'll still have to do that i'll have to do it my whole life everyday, you never get a breake until your too old to work. 
       That's all life is anymore, just work.I look back at like years before I was born,r before my mom or my grandma and it;s like they had FUN, all people do now is work there is no time for fun anymore just worries about how they'll pay bills or feed themselves and their kids. I may have gotten a little off subject but the main point in this post is that schoool helps bring you out of that little bubble you trap yourself in and helps you make friends, I never wanna loose them, hopefully when school ends we still have each other.

responsibilties

I think a fear that eveybody has growing up is obviously the responcablites that come along with graduating, finding ajob and moving out. It's scary to think about how much life changes, 17 years doesn't seem like a long time to me. I still remember being little and thinking about how awesome my life i'll be when i grow up i had so many plans! I wanted to be a scientist and i planned on going to collage it all seemed so simple when i looked at when i was little all i had to do was finish school, get a job and go to college. That's how everyone made it seem you know? You can be whatever you want when you grow up. Nobody tells you how hard it really is in life.
           Growing up i seen a lot of my family loose so much and i didn't know, i mean they never explained to me why we had to move or why we struggled for food, they did so much to keep me from finding out how hard things really were. I think any decent person would do that though. Now that I look back at things i realize how them hidding things from me actually effected me differently than they had planned. I don't know so many things i'll need to know in life. Everyone who says school readys you for life is lying because i don't know half the things I need to make a living. Such as balancing checks, writing checks, none of that.
            So of course i'm not prepared to be on my own in life i'm terrified of what i'll do without my mom mainly. She's helps me through so much. I already know that i have no choice though, I over think things a lot in life though, it's just a big step and a big fear i have to force myself to over come.

Leaving behind my Family

       Soon i'll have to face moving out, getting a job and doing everything by myself. I don't want to move away from them but i know i can't live there forever with my mom, I feel like i'll just have to get it over with as soon as i can, and hold back all fears i have, I'm scared of not being there for my little brother and sister. Not having my mom to talk to or watch movies with at night is going to suck to, for the most part i'm close with my mom. We might fight a lot, but she's still my best friend.
            Watching my sister move out basically at 15 tore me apart more then i would ever tell her i was only 12 and she was my best friend when we were younger we were inseparable, I remember everyone asking if we were twins and then out of nowhere she starts to act different and she has a new boyfriend she spends all her time with. I'm sitting at home alone everyday in my room, my mom spent all her time with the younger kids.
            I remember wanting my sister to be home again I never seen her, she finally moved back in two years later then found out she was pregnant so, she moved out again, I sat in her empty room crying for about a hour with the same thought in my head, our childhood is over forever. That's when i realized i never want to grow up, but i have no choice. What if this happens to my little sister when i move out? I live with her now but i never see her, i'm always with my boyfriend and I don't even notice she's growing up and that i'm doing exactly what my sister did to me, I don't want to leave her side.
            seeing how much my sister goes through to keep her tiny apartment and to keep her, her boyfriend and baby fed, only makes it harder to except the fact that someday i'm going to be the one struggling through life that's all anyone seems to do, Is struggle for money.

Childhood

    I think part of my biggest fear about graduating is that school is the last thing you do before you're considered a adult. When i was younger i couldn't wait to grow up that way I could do whatever I wanted, I couldn't wait to have freedom with no rules and nobody to tell me what to do, but now that i'm about to be there, all I want is my stress free, worry free life back.
        Childhood is something no one can explain, it's pure innocence from all bad in the world. Growing up is realizing everything your parents tried so hard to keep from you. All the things that they didn't even understand, all the violence and confusion of being an adult. When i was little I didn't leave my house much so it was almost as if the walls protected me from everything bad outside. All I remember caring about was my mom and waiting with my Grandma for her to come home. After I started getting older and started going to school I didn't really have friends and it didn't bother me to sit alone at lunch or recess I didn't mind, all that bothered me was the kids that picked on me. Thats when i started to realize the bad people my mom tried to hide from me. Personally I don't find it exciting to grow up, to loose the innocence only a child can have. Growing up and watching so many people in my family loose their homes or their jobs when they deserve the world now that i'm older i realized my family wasn't as happy I thought when i was little, they were just protecting me from seeing they were in pain.
              Everything looks so happy when you're a kid, the hole under your porch or the dark woods down the street, there was no fear only adventure and happiness. Once you grow up you see the world for what it really is. Growing up doesn't make you "wiser" I don't believe i'll actually understand the questions that I've asked my whole life. No matter what I do the thought of becoming a adult terrifies me, Not only because of the responsibilities and obstacles i'll have to face but my main fear is loosing the one thing i"ll never get back and it's that i'll never see the world through the eyes of a child again.

        My name is Trinattie Patterson, I go to Diamond Oaks for Digital Arts and Design i'm going into my 2nd year here. My home school is Oak Hills high school, My core theme is about why i'm scared of graduation, not only the process of walking in front of giant room full of people i don't know, but also the fears of loosing the last bit of my childhood and facing the fact that i'm growing up. The main things that gets on my nerves is when people judge me without knowing me.